Dear Museum of Forgery:
Q: Can you refer me to any sources on how to learn to forge paintings, what materials to use to stay in period, and how to age them appropriately?
A: A careful review of our web site should make it clear that the Museum of Forgery does not consider training in the craft of forgery, faking, or counterfeiting part of its mandate. There are plenty of public sources you can research in order to figure this out for yourself, starting with the rest of the internet, or any good public library. Whether this is likely to be a rewarding career choice is, of course, another question entirely.
Q: Can you tell me how to counterfeit money?
A: May we suggest that emailing this question to someone you've never met and know nothing about indicates that you are probably not cut out to be a successful counterfeiter?
Q: I'm doing an assignment on Van Meergren the forger. Can you tell me about him?
A: We are not oriented towards educating the public in the history of forgery. If you want to research famous forgers, try Wikipedia. Oh, and the name is Van Meegeren.
Q: How long have you been around? Seriously, do you even exist?
A: We were founded in 1990, and we moved onto the web in 1993, at the first opportunity. Sure we exist-- otherwise we couldn't respond to your query.
Q: Stop sending me spam!
A: We do not send email to anyone who has not contacted us. If you are getting junk email that appears to be from us, it is being sent by someone else, probably one of the mass spammers that now dominate the junk email world. Although annoying to all of us (we here at the museum get the bouncebacks from this junk), it certainly seems fitting that someone is spoofing the Museum of Forgery.
Q: I just searched for a museum to go to over the internet, and I happened to locate the Museum of Forgery. Where can I go to see this museum?
A: As the Museum of Forgery is largely a virtual organization, the internet is currently the only place you can visit it (thanks for dropping by!). Its earlier productions--many of which were physical rather than virtual--are held in gallerys that are not open to the general public but are available to researchers under special circumstances. A small branch of the Museum of Forgery is housed at the Institute of Cultural Inquiry in Los Angeles.
Q: Your clock says l am visitor #000001; is it working or am l the only person interested in forgery?
A: As a small courtesy to our public, every visitor is Number 1 at the Museum of Forgery. (Everyone else is tracking you; why should we?)