Silent Orpheus
CAST
Orpheus: Marlena Corcoran
Digital.Director: Antoinette LaFarge
[roughly in order of appearance]
Cerberus, dogMaenad: Lise Patt
maryMaenad: Joe Ferrari
Vinny: Richard Foerstl
Eurydice, Eurymaenad: Cathy Caplan
Hades: Richard Smoley
Digital_Director bows to the
assembled audience
maryMaenad whirls around
chanting...dionysos
Digital_Director says,
'Welcome one and all and all
for one!'
Digital_Director says,
'Welcome to the Plaintext
Players special Day Without
Art presentation of:'
SILENT ORPHEUS
shhhhh
cough
Digital_Director says, 'You
guests are welcome to move
around, talk among
yourselves.... heckle....
cheer....'
paper wrustle
shhhhh
Digital_Director says, 'We
appreciate your, uh,
enthusiasm.'
shoe shuffle
absolute silence
shhhhh
Cerberus rolls eyes
Digital_Director says, 'And
help yourself to some of
that wine over there'
<-------->
over here
Digital_Director says, 'Allow
me to begin by telling you
a small story:'
shhhh
about a poet and singer named
Orpheus
testify sister
Digital_Director taps her toes
Digital_Director says, 'It
seems this Orpheus,
legendary singer and poet,
had a wife named Eurydice'
uh huh
Digital_Director says,
'Unfortunately, she was
bitten by the Mythic Snake
and died and went to the
Underworld.'
-------------------->
Underworld
it's always blamed on
snakes
<-----------------Earth
it's always snakes' fault
hello world
and this is the Gates of Hell
right here.
Orpheus says, 'I hate prose.'
Digital_Director says, 'So
Orpheus decided to go down
to the Underworld and bring
Eurydice back to Earth. Talk
about ambitious.'
Orpheus says, 'It just goes
on and on.'
it's not nice to hate
Digital_Director senses
theat she is losing the
audience.
Orpheus says, 'You'd think
she'd let me tell the story.'
she is
Orpheus says, 'Me, the poet.'
Digital_Director says, 'And
now, without further
ado.....'
just tell it
like it is
CURTAIN UP
Orpheus tunes up his lyre.
ouch
maryMaenad cleans her ears
Orpheus sings an old story.
NEAR THE GATES OF HELL
old
--I am the music.
THE PROLOGUE
there's more than one gate?
--The music tells a story.
--This is my story.
--Orpheus loves Eurydice.
um pa pa
--No one knows the whole of
it.
--Each one plays a part.
um pa pa
--Eurydice is my heart.
um pa pa
Orpheus bows shyly.
um pa pa
Vinny calls his agent.
that's it?
Little rocks cascade down the
mountain.
no
Orpheus says, 'The river
leaps for joy.'
what did you expect?
Big rocks follow
The animals line up and bat
their paws.
There's one problem.
the sky does somersaults
Eurydice.
watch out clouds
Where is she?
Orpheus says, 'Where is she?'
where o where
CURTAIN DOWN
BRIEF PAUSE
thank you
already?
Orpheus says, 'I told you I
could make it short.'
Vinny looks at Mary
maryMaenad says, 'Don't look
at me'
Cerberus shakes head
Eury says, 'All ready or
already?'
maryMaenad says, 'i didn't
do it'
SCENE 1: AT THE GATES OF HELL
CURTAIN UP
Vinny cracks his knuckles.
Orpheus says, 'Be
grateful--the next
scene stars a dog.'
Cerberus awakens from a deep
slumber
maryMaenad knuckles some crack
maryMaenad hides her bone
Cerberus picks at the lice
behind his ears
dead of course
dogs hate poetry
Cerberus scans the horizon
The Styx rolls quietly
inoffensively along
makes them drool
makes them cry
red of course
makes them vomit
makes them howl
makes them chase ctas
makes them eat shit
look --->
Cerberus looks
enough about dogs already
Orpheus appears in the
near distance.
don't look <--
very near the Gates of Hell,
in fact
Cerberus vomits
He's on a boat with a
whole lot of--dead
people.
Charon's boat
a boat grinds up on the
shores of Hell
groans from the boat
no one gets off
The boatman says, Last
stop.
but it's not empty....
why should they
Cerberus sniffs the dead
people
Huddled in the midst of
them is our hero.
Cerberus sniffs their
crotches.
Orpheus locks eyes one
last time with Charon.
Every soul staggers
through the gates of
Hell.
But one.
Cerberus growls when he comes
to Orpheus
Charon waves him on
Orpheus says, 'Wait!'
Orpheus says, 'I'm the
only one who wants to
go!'
maryMaenad waves to mom in
the audience
shhhh
Cerberus says, 'Beat it
bub...you ain't getting in
here'
shhh... let's have alittle
respect for the dead
Cerberus says, 'You ain't
dead'
Orpheus says, 'The body
is a tomb.'
Orpheus says, 'Ergo I'm
dead.'
a bag of shit
soma sema
Cerberus says, 'You got that
wrong also'
Orpheus smirks at this
successful bit of Greek
logic.
can't fault his logic
Cerberus says, 'It's the anus
that's a tomb'
Orpheus says, 'I have
business in there,
doghead.'
Cerberus says, 'And ... you
ain't got one'
it's all connected... basic
plumbing
Orpheus says, 'In Hell,
not the other place.'
Orpheus says, 'Assuming
that's what you meant.'
Cerberus snarls
hell is other people
Cerberus says, 'You're not
getting in'
Suddenly Orpehus
realizes he has no idea
what he is doing here.
----------------->Hell
thataway
Cerberus says, 'Did you bring
me a treat?'
Cerberus reconsiders
Orpheus says, 'I seem to
have forgotten there on
the crossing.'
Orpheus says, 'I was
going to-- going to--'
Cerberus says, 'A toe...an
ear?'
Orpheus throws Cerberus
the Boatman.
sing a song?
Orpheus says, 'Catch.'
Hades is cooking up a new
recipe he saw in this
month's Pestilence Age
Orpheus says, 'Oh
right-- the song.'
Orpheus says, 'Listen,
dog.'
Ebola Surprize
Cerberus catches the boatman
in his Beezlebum cap
--I know you are a dog.
Cerberus snarls
--I am a poet.
--You do your dog thing.
--I sing.
bow wow
shhhh
Orpheus says, 'And I
came for my wife.'
Cerberus rolls on the ground
in pain
in shit
blood coming from all four
ears
oh is that what it is
moan moan
howl howl
Orpheus says, 'Eurydice.'
Orpheus says, 'She's
dead.'
The Gates of Hell shudder
Orpheus says, 'In the
usual sense.'
ho ho
Cerberus checks the hell
list.
soma sema
Cerberus dies
she's dead
your money or your wife
again
Orpheus says, 'You can't
die yet dog.'
someone in the RL audience
snaps a picture
Orpheus says, 'You have
to listen to my song.'
--I am the music.
all of it
Cerberus is catatonic
Can we get Neil Diamond
instead?
--The music tells a
story.
--This is my story.
walks in his death
Orpheus takes his chance
and slips through the
Gates of Hell.
let me guess
singing softly
--Orpheus loves Eurydice.
Cerberus hitches a ride on
Charon's boat
The Gates close behind him
--No one knows the whole
of it.
--Each one plays a part.
i know
you write the songs that make
the young girls sing
--Eurydice is my heart.
don't worry i aint sayin
CURTAIN DOWN
Cerberus beats it to New York
BRIEF PAUSE
maryMaenad wipes her brow
maryMaenad looks around for
cute boys
she's feelin hungry
Vinny nibbles
maryMaenad cleans her nails
ANNOUNCEING SCENE 2:
MEANWHILE, BACK ON EARTH
Orpheus looks around
desparately for the scenario.
feeling grooo -- vy....
<--------------- Earth thisaway
maryMaenad scratches her head
Vinny flashes a toothy grin
Orpheus says, 'Oh shut up my
songs are not that bad.'
CURTAIN UP
a rocky landscape in Greece,
quite different from Hell
Vinny says, 'Not really'
maryMaenad dances a dervish
while muttering to herself
maryMaenad's eyes glaze over
Vinny notices it's pretty dead
here.
twisted olive trees
not Kansas
the rocks refuse to move
the trees refuse to sway
Vinny [to maryMaenad]: Have
you seen Orph?
these are not the famous
weeping rocks
hell is freezing over
though the sky still is blue
maryMaenad [to Vinny]: uh who
maryMaenad slips another x
under her tongue
what sky?
Vinny says, 'I think it's been
ages since you heard a good
song.'
maryMaenad twirls
The Candy Man can
cuz he mixes it with luv
maryMaenad says, 'Uh yeah,
vin'
Vinny says, 'Whennnnnn the....
moon in the sky...'
Orpheus wrote that?
maryMaenad's body
can't stop movin'
maryMaenad says, 'Oh, another
cheesy love song'
DO you KNOW the WAY to
San JoSE...
Vinny says, 'Isn't Orph one
swell guy?'
maryMaenad read dionysos'
little red book
Vinny says, 'I mean didn't he
write that one?'
Don't you mean Orff
Carmina Burana was lou-zee
Vinny says, 'Like a big pizza
pie...'
Vinny says, 'Atz a moeire.'
maryMaenad [to Vinny]: so you
think me and the girls will
like orpheus
amore?
Vinny dances with Mary and
croons at the moon missing
Orpheus.
maryMaenad nibbles on vinny's
ear... uh rear
Vinny dumpling, 'All the
music... we need it all...'
what reeks?
leeks
shhh
Vinny points to the shits.
Vinny reeks, 'What Hymen love
without music?'
too much information
what's going on here?
Datasmog!
Vinny notices our words don't
match.
Vinny shoes, 'We've been had.'
maryMaenad silently repeats
her mantra of worship
Read art exciting book by
some idiot
Vinny acts surprised.
maryMaenad [to herself]: eats
betesticled one
Vinny shoes, 'Wot's this?'
published by some idiot
maryMaenad [to herself]:
reeks erection
Vinny shits, 'Ho ho!'
boinks?
what?
reeks?
boinks?
maryMaenad [to herself]: shoes
lover
Vinny art, 'There boinks a
vampant verb here.'
maryMaenad eats, 'Gabble
gabble goo goo'
Reeks Hymen, 'Orpheus cum
back and bring your wife!'
Shoes stares into reeks
heavens.
art drinks another glass
dumpling wine
Digital_Director reeks, 'Can
anyone understand any art
this?'
Boinks shits, 'Atz a moeire.'
no
duh
why ask
shits looks for that art thang
Reeks has Beelzebub dumpling
taken out Beelzebub his
mouth.
heh there's kids in da house
CURTAIN DOWN
Vinny looks at fate
thank god
PHEW
WHO SAID THAT?
phew
BRIEF PAUSE WHILE WE GET OUR
WORDS BACK
Vinny says, 'Where is Orpheus?'
who said what
boinks?
Vinny waits for the next scnee
maryMaenad pleasures herseldf
since no one else seems to
care
SCENE 3: ORPHEUS IN THE
UNDERWORLD
ready over here
------------------->
Eury says, 'Ready'
<------
Hades is preparing for a
match at the FourHorsemen
Polo Club
--->
CURTAIN UP AGAIN
<-----
---->
Orpheus tunes up his lyre for
the theme song from Body and
Soul.
CURTAIN UP ON HELL
Eurydice wants to go with
Hades
sorta like tennis
a sleazy underworld indeed
Eury loves horses
Hades .. o O (That Eury,
wotta babe!!!!)
Orpheus hums, I love you dead
or alive.
Vinny pokes Mary
Hades .. o O (My head ain't
been right since Persophone
split)
Orpheus says, 'That's it,
everybody.'
Eury says, 'At least we have
love of horse flesh in
common.'
Cerberus smells bad
Orpheus says, 'That's it,
Hades.'
Orpheus sings,
Surpri-i-i-i-ze.
Hades .. o O (Wot does she do
with horses.)
Hades says, 'Hi, Orff.'
Orpheus says, 'It was a
surprise to me, too.'
Eury says, 'What's he doing
here?'
Hades says, 'You are one
low-zee composer.'
Vinny thinks she's cute.
Orpheus says, 'I came for
you, Eurydice.'
Hades says, 'I really HATED
Carmina Burana'
Orpheus says, 'And art came
with me.'
maryMaenad blushes, oh stop
Eury says, 'Why?'
Orpheus says, 'Song came with
me.'
Orpheus says, 'You come with
me.'
Hades .. o O (Omyfuckingod)
maryMaenad puts a pie in the
oven
shhhh
Eury says, 'I'm sick of your
songs.'
Orpheus sings, Eurydice, come
with me.
Eury says, 'You've tired me
out with your songs.'
Hades HATES bad art...
Eury says, 'Who can listen to
your songs anymore?'
Orpheus says, 'Or else it's
going to remain a verbal
garbage dump up there.'
Hades says, 'Hey, Orff.'
Orpheus says, 'If you hate
bad art, boot me back
upstairs.'
Hades says, 'Can you do that
song from 'Cats?'
Orpheus says, 'With the girl.'
Orpheus says, 'I don't leave
without Eurydice.'
Eury says, 'I agree with
Hades, there is nothing
worse than bad art. ''
Hades says, 'You know,
memmmm'ry....'
Orpheus says, 'That's why I
came.'
Orpheus says, 'Remember the
song?'
Orpheus says, 'Or do I have
to sing it again?'
Orpheus says, 'It did in the
dog.'
Eury says, 'You can't get rid
of bad art. Not very easily.'
Hades says, 'We really don't
need your kind down here.'
Orpheus says, 'My voice too.'
Orpheus says, 'It's been
hard, singing to two-headed
dogs.'
singing
what you don't know how to
sing
Orpheus looks around
threateningly and tunes up.
Orpheus says, 'You asked for
it.'
so, is it a deal? can he leave?
Orpheus sings:
--Eurydice, my only song.
Hades says, 'Please,
go... Leave the wifey with
ol' Hades'
Eurydice puts her hands over
her ears
Hades will wine and dine her
--Eurydice, my heart.
--I came to sing my part
Hades will take you to voodoo
fasts
Hades will feed you with dead
bankers
--And win tears from the King
of Hell.
Hades says, 'Bad music can do
that.'
Hades really cannot stand
this poet
Orpheus turns to Persephone,
who, unbeknownst to most
members of the cast, has
been sitting silently in the
background.
Orpheus sings to Persephone.
Hades says, 'God! My Ex!'
--Oh woman who brings spring
to Earth
Eury says, 'I've spent years
with him-- I know all his
faults better than you.'
--And Love to Hell
Hades vomits up a dead banker
--Join my song.
Orpheus says, 'Please.'
Orpheus says, 'Give her back
to me.'
Hades starts tormenting
dictators
Orpheus says, 'You'll have
her forever.'
just fer fun
Hades says, 'I do have her
forever.'
Orpheus says, 'But now, it's
my turn.'
Hades says, 'Stupid'
Orpheus raises his arms.
Orpheus raises his voice.
Eury says, 'My voice is a
scratchy record.'
Hades says, 'I'll make a deal
witchya'
Hades says, 'You go, she
stays'
even though it's a little
hoarse from the poem to a dog
Hades says, 'My final offer'
Orpheus sings, Eurydice.
Hades says, 'I'm being
magnanimous'
Hell echoes Orpheus' song.
Eury says, 'Don't include me
in the two of your
negotiations'
Hades says, 'PLEASE!'
Hades says, 'No more song!'
Hell sings, Eu-ri-ri-ri--
Hades [to Eury]: You shut up
Eury says, 'Leave me out of
it.'
Hades [to Eury]: BABE
Hell sings, di-ce-ce-ce.
Hades blinks.
It's over.
The boy's got the girl.
Hades kicks O. out of
hell possibly for good
Hades says, 'I mean, 'Get out
of hell possibly for good'
They dash for the Gates,
Eurydice hot on Orpheus'
heels.
Hades says, 'You can go, but
she stays'
Hades says, 'All right'
Hades says, 'You can go. BUT'
Orpheus turns back and yells,
TOO LATE
Eury [to Hades]: I've seen
enough light .. Now it is
time for me to settle into
my cave.
Hades says, 'You must not
look back'
Hades says, 'DEAL?'
Orpheus yells, We're gone!
Orpheus sings, We're gone!
Orpheus looks back.
HE LOOKED BACK
THE GIRL STAYS IN HELL
HE BLEW IT AGAIN
AS ALWAYS
Hades says, 'GAW HAW
HAW'
CURTAIN DOWN IN DISGUST
circle jerk
a collective sigh
cough
the audience is silent
Vinny is on his cellular
the online audience is NOT
silent
Hades makes a reservation for
a room in the Poconos
CURTAIN UP ON SCENE 4:
ORPHEUS SOLO
again?
Vinny orders a pizza
another solo
Hades .. o O (That Orff would
make a lousy lounge act)
with guest accompaniment
spare us
Hades .. o O (Needs an orange
tux)
Eury says, 'Now you know
what i've been living with the
last twenty years.'
bathroom break
Orpheus looks back on
the whole thing.
How about Quand j'etais roi
de Boetia...
Orpheus does not
remember if he ever
understood.
Orpheus tunes up his
lyre, a proto-keyboard
instrument.
Orpheus sings.
--We cannot say, This
man is happy.
--This woman, not.
--We do not know a life
till it is gone.
Orpheus looks over the
River Styx and weeps.
--My life sails away
like a ship.
How about Tubthumping by
Chumbawumba?
Orpheus says, 'Why do
you always give me
these parts?'
Orpheus says, 'Why do I
always play the fool?'
you beg for them
seems obvious...
because you are one
Vinny thinks you need a good
lawyer
Orpheus says, 'Who knows
why I did it?'
Orpheus says, 'Why I
turned to see?'
Orpheus says, 'What's my
motivation?'
we know
Orpheus says, 'Huh?'
hell has its allures....
Orpheus says, 'Why did I
even go?'
just stupid
attention deficit disorder
Orpheus says, 'What did
I tell my friends when
I left?'
probably the first recorded
case
no friends
Orpheus says, 'I'm going
to Hell for a few days,
please take in the
mail?'
Orpheus sighs.
Orpheus sings.
--What did I think would
happen?
--I'd get back
Eurydice's shade
--Like a wind in my
sails, crying, Orpheus?
Hades on the whole prefers
Whitney Houston
--I'd drag her body
stinking from the grave?
Orpheus buries his head
in his hands.
--The body is a tomb.
--I, Orpheus, long dead,
bring back a corpse: my
own.
Orphesu fingers the
strings of the lyre.
They do not sound in
harmony.
Orpheus sings in
fragments to the river
of forgetting.
--What did I think would
happen?
--What did I think?
CURTAIN QUIETLY DOWN
oh no not again
PAUSE
you call that a brief scene?
tic
tic
ric
tic
tic
tic
tic
tic
SCENE 5: RETRIBUTION?
THAT IS, SCENE 5
BACK ON EARTH
CURTAIN UP
maryMaenad chomps on the bit
Hades can think of one
performance where forgetting
is quite appropriate
Vinny chomps on the pizza
<---------EAERTH
maryMaenad says, 'Dion dion
dionysos'
dogMaenad comps the performance
Eurymaenad .. o O (I wonder
if I am who I think I am)
maryMaenad writhes longingly
fer something
Vinny looks at Eury
something to eat
someone to love
someone to devour
Vinny says, 'Hey, didn't I
see you in Alien Resurrection?'
Eurymaenad says, 'I was in
the shadows. I had accepted
the shadows.'
someone to rip apart
someone for me
Eurymaenad says, 'He lured me
out. He lured me out to
destroy me.'
maryMaenad keeps twirling
round and round
Vinny says, 'I lag therefore
I am.'
Eurymaenad says, 'He wanders
around in the light'
dogMaenad awakens
Eurymaenad says, 'Where is
he?'
Eurymaenad says, 'Orpheus!!!!'
maryMaenad wants to get her
hands on orpheus
Eurymaenad says, 'My lovely
Orpheus'
Hades has a certain sinking
feeling
KILL ORPHEUS
Eurymaenad says, 'I have
gifts for you'
rip him in little bits
dogMaenad wants to kill
everyone
and return hinm to his beloved
Hades had hoped he would be
rid of this poet for a while
throw him in a river
burn the remains
Vinny passes out his card
maryMaenad realizes that if
we really want to make
orpheus unhappy...
Hades pages frantically
through his Users Guide to
Hell
we'd make him IMMORTAL
make him a star?
Eurymaenad wants to arrange
to have Orpheus's stallion
trample him to death
that way he's never reunited
with his beloved
give him to Apollo?
Vinny says, 'I still think he
needs a good lawyer.'
Hades hopes Orff will
somewhow be spared death
Eurymaenad .. o O (Maybe I
will lead my mare past his
stallion)
Vinny [to Eurymaenad]: You
could use one too.
as long as possible
no can do
the girls are all upset with
orphie since he won't slleo
with them
the boys seem to get it tho
slleo?
Hades says, 'Can he be
spared?'
Eurymaenad .. o O (I'll let
my mare rile up his stallion)
Hades says, 'I have enough
mediocrities down here
already'
Eurymaenad .. o O (Let the
stallion lose control)
the Maenads all want him dead
well maybe not all
they have their reasons
maryMaenad just wants someone
to love
Hades says, 'Princess Die, ''
Eurymaenad .. o O (Throw him
from his back into the mud.)
Eurymaenad says, 'Descend on
him'
dogMaenad just wants
Eurymaenad says, 'Bite into
him'
Hades says, 'Ladies, ladies,
please....'
Hades says, 'Come to your
senses!'
Vinny wonders what Orph is
wearing.
Hades says, 'Be reasonable!'
Eurymaenad says, 'Scatter the
pieces of flesh into the
mud.'
maryMaenad says, 'Let me
have him'
Eurymaenad says, 'Pink flesh,
brown mud.'
Vinny says, 'Orpheus is
DEAD!!'
scatter the pieces all over
the earth
so many ways to kill him, so
little time....
Vinny gasps
in fact, it's too late
so art will be plentiful
Hades says, 'I already have
Wallace Stevens down here'
what did he die of?
Eurymaenad says, 'Buried,
walked on, disappeared'
Hades says, 'Isn't that bad
enough?'
Vinny checks his pulse.
ORPH is DEAD?
maryMaenad says, 'I'd let him
live'
HOW? WHY?
you have to ask?
maryMaenad says, 'Forever'
Hades slaps his hand against his
forehead
dead?
Hades knew it wuz cuming
he died of.....
well done
Vinny says, 'His body is cold'
he died of....
uh huh
he died of....
Eurymaenad says, 'Estrangement'
old age
who cares
Vinny shakes his head.
young love
CURTAIN DOWN FOR A MOMENT
Vinny gives everyone his card.
last scene comin right up
Vinny says, 'He coulda been
somebody...'
CURTAIN UP ON:
Vinny says, 'He coulda been a
contenda'
Hades glumly welcomes O. to
underland
LATER THAT EVENING...
maryMaenad says, 'He coulda
been my man'
he was a lovely man when he
was young
A WAYKE: SCENE 6
he was the music man
he had a way with words
He was a cousin of Dionysus
he had a way with women
he was the lady's man
he had a way with boys
Hades .. o O (Let's face it,
I already have Hitler,
Stalin, )
people often fell in love
with him when they saw him
riding his horse'
he was overdue in his
rent
gosh, he even had a way with
rocks
he had a way with himself
Hades .. o O (One more
monstrosity more or less)
nasty
They say Orpheus could
stop rivers in their
tracks.
Hades .. o O (Will hardly
make a diff. in Hail)
away with him
mmmmm
a lament for orpheus
resounds among the rocks
the weeping rocks